How and Why THHGTE was born...and an insight into my intriguing life...thus far!
I never expected that I would write a book. I fantasized about it as a hormone ridden 16 year old, but even during my, ‘I know everything’ years, I knew I didn’t know quite enough to commit that knowledge to paper! But eventually, and quite out of the blue, at the dreaded age of 29, a book started to be written. The High Heeled Guide to Enlightenment (THHGTE) came initially out of sadness, confusion and stress. This ‘hardship’ came in the rather tedious form of a late twenties crisis. My twenties had proven to be a wonderland of good times, bad times and somewhere in-between. I had moved from being a self-assured teen, to somebody who had somewhere along the line totally lost track of who I was.
I don’t think my situation is so unusual. I think the twenties are a proving ground for many people, and if you don’t get an amazing career, married or give birth to a child you can end up beginning to wonder what you have achieved? Furthermore, the twenties are a playground, and recent generations do not take them seriously. Which is great, until the ominous Age 30 starts looming and you realize you drank and partied away the last ten years and can’t quite remember what was so good about it? If the thirties are the new twenties, then I was clearly stuck in my late teens. No surprise then that I was emotional and prone to angst!
To try to sort this turmoil out I went back to my roots. I was brought up around religion and spirituality, and in the midst of my gloom I returned to these things for inspiration. It started off as having a few Reiki healing sessions and over a period of weeks my interest transformed itself into a book. I did not plan it. I did not know I would even try to write a book. I just woke up one morning... and I knew it.
Nobody actually believed me of course! For the past ten years I have filled out enough college application forms and had enough grand career schemes whirling around my head to keep most people busy for a lifetime. Not one of these amazing plans had ever come to fruition. There was my desire to be a counsellor that saw me apply to three different colleges only to bottle it at the last moment and change my mind when I was offered an interview. I have applied to be a teacher twice, and was successful in securing a place both times, inevitably though it just felt wrong, another career doubly ticked off the list for me!
Then there was the whole ‘wedding planner’ debacle. It seemed to be a bloody good idea, and I intended to do it with my dear friend Rosh. She was the real expert as she had been married, and then divorced. I had no real experience, or interest, in marriage, I had been to two weddings in my whole life, and I had no idea what I was talking about. Flowers, dresses, churches ... how difficult can it be? I did however know a bit about make up, and was pretty good at using the internet. Suprisingly, that never quite happened either.
I tried my hand, no, my body at modeling. I could not quite get my head around the fact that the only offers I was getting involved me going topless. Part of me wanted the fame and the instant success of whipping my boobs out and grinning inanely out of page 3. The other part of me was utterly horrified at the thought. I knew I didn’t have it in me, and anytime the offer of a casting came up I would either burst into tears or start eating - not the ideal habit of one whom is supposed to be stick thin. The pressure to stay slim was so ridiculous I made myself quite ill. Try as I might I just could not be anorexic, or bulimic, nor could I eat enough to be a plus size model. The extra inches I needed to grow in height to become a ‘fashion’ model had been proving elusive since I was 14. My attempt at modeling was proving to be hellish. I quit before I cracked up. That was one of my better twenties decisions!
So back to where I started... I never meant to write a book. Since the modeling / teaching / counseling / wedding organizing failures I was gifted the role as a Live Music Editor for 69 magazine, http://www.69-247.com. I also contributed a number of fun articles to that magazine, the final one being specifically about my life and was titled ‘Witches Daughter’. This flipped a switch in my head and I began to pay a little more attention to who I was, where I came from and the unique story I had lived. I was no longer generic blonde, wannabe model Alice, I was somebody entirely different, someone who I had buried under ten years of trying to fit in. This was something to be explored, I became a hermit in the process, but I found my true self as a result. Finally I found something that made sense, writing, and in particular writing about life and about spirituality as it effects young, modern women. This was finally the right move for me. I felt like I’d come home.
It seems sensible at this stage to tell you a little bit about me to give you some perspective about my view on life. I was born the daughter of a vicar, who was soon to become a Wiccan High Priest. My father was quite the witchy celebrity! Back in the nineties he graced the pages of the Guardian or Chat magazine with his wife Aileen. Most impressively he was interviewed by the legend that was Tony Wilson (Hacienda, Factory Records). It was through my Dad’s spiritual ventures that I learned about witchcraft, healing, chakras, Tarot, reincarnation and even a teensy tiny bit about Kabbalah. My favorite bit was staying up late with pot smoking gothic types, whilst being allowed to have a glass of red wine and generally being in awe of their piercings, dreadlocks and sweet natures.
My Mum on the other hand introduced me to my interest in women’s issues, leading me to eventually study Women’s Studies at University and generally feel passionately about anybody who suffers for whatever reason; gender, race, disability, sexuality, belief, poverty etc etc. I also can’t get enough of the animals, all of the animals, and the environment. I love Mother Nature. I abhor war, violence and cruelty. I’m a hippy and I blame my parents - right on man, flower power. Peace.
When Mum left my Dad in the early eighties and I was about 6, she did so for another woman. It was a brave thing for her to do. Indeed as a woman from the deep south of the USA, brought up as baptist in a small town in the bible belt, it was incredible. It was through her that I learned that women are capable of all the things men are, and whilst that generally goes without saying these days, I do have to wonder how far we have come when I turn on TV to see Women sexualized to the hilt and generally suffering a distinct lack of clothing. Anyway...
To conclude...
It seemed that at the pinnacle of my little crisis I reached back to a time before my prolonged teen/twenties and found something true about myself. Things that I had all but forgotten about. By grabbing onto these formative parts of my life, and pulling with all my might, I lifted myself out of my mid life slump. The result of all this pulling, slumping and other intrigues are to be found conjured up into something altogether more positive... The High Heeled Guide to Enlightenment.
